For a few days, the hypomanic cloud hovered above my head. According to my husband, I was talking loudly and pressured. Then we did the old Daylight Savings Time Dance and my symptoms exploded.
For a few days, I was having panic attacks at various intervals. I chose to call them “anxiety jolts” because I like that better than the sound of a panic attack.
Its been a while since this Lass has had an anxiety jolt I hadn’t remembered the depth of the bad feelings that come from having a jolt. It is as though someone took your whole world and tilted it 90 degrees. And I have a voice shouting at me, “You’re no good!” “You’re a faker!” “You suck’ in my head. It gets really old.
I feel trapped inside my skin right now and there are a million things I need to get out. Or worry about. There’s a shit-ton of anxiety built up in my body. I feel like its oozing out of my pores.
I don’t want to be around people because I think they can feel the anxiety/agitation radiating off of me. Uh, crazy much?
I’ve got so many thoughts right now. I keep getting headaches.
Then, a couple of days after DST, I had the oddball night that I forgot to take my night pills. My go-to-sleep-and-stay-there pills. So I was up and down all night, not realizing I hadn’t taken my pills until it was time to take morning pills.
So my sleep got totally fubarred. I had been feeling better, but this seems to set me back. One of the first things I was taught when I was diagnosed was that regular sleep is very important. Routine is important. So a night where you hardly sleep is not good for your overall mood.
So we’re a week into the time change and the First Day of Spring is today. I’ve always loved Spring. But this Spring brings anxiety with it. And I’m thrown off balance because this isn’t my normal pattern.
How long is this anxiety going to go on? How long will I continue to feel like someone just snuck up on me?
The things I’ve learned is:
It helps to go out. It gets you out of your head.
Dogs and cats are therapeutic
I say some bold shit when I’m hypomanic
Read some Affirmations. I attached some to this post that is especially for anxiety. For them to really work their ju-ju, you’ve gotta believe them too.
Journal. Writing can feel really good. Do you ever get where your brain is ahead of your hand and you simply can’t write fast enough? That’s some good journaling. And that’s the kind of journaling that clears your brain. Which brings me to my next tip…
The Brain Dump. Sit down in a quiet spot and just write everything you can think of that is worrying you, bothering you, making you cranky, in other words, messin’ with you. Write for 15-20 minutes. Then, what I like to do, is go back through what I wrote and use it to organize what I need to be focusing on and what I can forget about.
Contact somebody (or multiple Somebodies) and either have a phone chat or get together for coffee. I belong to this really awesome group of women. We meet as a group for therapy once a week and, maybe, more importantly, we talk throughout the week on Facebook.
So reach out in a text if you don’t feel like talking. But it really is healthier to let someone in on how you’re feeling. The people in your support network can provide some great perspective for you and help you think of ways to get through those really crappy moments.
Meanwhile, I try to summon the warrior spirit to help me fight this crap off. We all possess the warrior spirit. It is just a matter of awakening her/him. I picture myself strong and determined. Ready to knock the crap out of any mental hijinks that get in my way.
I think my hypomania is winding down. Thank goodness because I’m exhausted.
Does your mental illness have a seasonal component? What do you do to cope with seasonal hypomania or depression? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
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