I have been depressed to varying degrees for the last 5-6 months. What started out as my “usual” winter depression has now continued into summer. Which is very unusual. Summer is typically my best time, mentally. So I’m feeling some fear, ok…I’m feeling a lot of fear.
I have switched medications and dosages, dropping some meds and picking up others to no avail. My doctor increased my Lithium dosage, but it put me in the toxic range so I had to lower it again even though it seemed to be helping. I have tried all the other mood stabilizers on the market over the last 15 years. I currently take eight psychotropic medications…and I’m still depressed. Some of my friends that are in the medical field worry about the amount and effect of the medications I’m taking. I worry too.
I have been going to group and our group facilitator has suggested I try individual therapy again. I could see the group facilitator, but we just didn’t click individually when I tried seeing him before. My son is seeing my previous therapist and I want to make sure he can continue to see her, which means I can’t. My other option is to ask my psychiatrist for a recommendation and I think that’s what I’ll do.
I have tried listening to my self-talk and correcting it when it’s false. But right now, there is a very loud, scared voice in my head that is dominating the conversation. Reading my therapy notebook, where I keep positive quotes, affirmations and positive thinking tips helps. It also helps when I go to group therapy. The other big thing that can lift me up a little is getting out of the house.
So I find myself smoking a lot of cigarettes…as if the answer to my problem is somewhere in the smoke.
When I have found myself in this place before, I usually put a call into my psychiatrist letting her know that the train has run off the rails. She is always so kind and works me in to her schedule. She usually prescribes a larger than normal dose of Seroquel and has me take it during the day for several days. This typically results in a lot of sleeping and, if I’m lucky, the depression gets squashed.
I guess I have to consider my partial remission null and void. It had been five years since I had experienced lasting mood problems. But I can’t deny it any longer. I am depressed.
Natasha Tracy, a mental health blogger suggests the following for getting out of and or lessening a depressive episode:
*self – talk
*rest and/or sleep
The problem is that when I get like this, its hard for me to access the parts of my brain that know how to get better. It is as if they are walled off. I find myself staring a lot (dissociating) instead of giving my self talk a new direction.
What do you do when you get depressed? What’s your favorite trick for blowing depression away?
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